Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Southern Women

The Queen Mother, herself via Google Images

Don't get me wrong, I'm proud to be from Texas. I've done the math, and the way I see it there are at least 40 states crappier than this one. Better to be infamous than not known at all, right? Right.  

Southern women tend to have the same philosophy. Here are a few lessons that my mama, Betty, taught me that like any good daughter I've learned to ignore:

- Wearing black is for a funeral.
- Must always have toenails polished. Always.
- If you got it, flaunt it! (okay, I still follow this one.)
- Marry rich. For God's sake, marry rich! (not that I'm against it. How you doin, Zuckerberg?)

There are tons more, but that's just what comes to mind. I've often thought about what I'd be like if I were raised or lived somewhere else. For example, I can guarantee that if I lived in NYC, I'd probably look like a big ol' lesbian (like, even more than I already do by Dallas standards). Every once and awhile, I'll see something that I think, "If I lived in NYC, I would totally rock this."

Example: Oxford flats or saddle shoes.

I'd loooove a pair of each, but in Dallas, no, that would not fly. Even though they're all over mags and the blogosphere? Why? Because they do nothing for your gams, silly! The horror! I mean, what if  you went out in public without looking like you're about to strut a runway?! Might as well just cut your long, beautiful hair off and join a softball league while you're at it!

Basically, here women are taught at an early age that beauty is the most important feature a woman can have.* Betty was good about teaching me to be independent though, and advised me to watch Gone With the Wind once a year just to see how much more stupid Scarlett seems as I get older. She also used to sing the old Doris Day song to me when I'd get all worried about if I were pretty enough as a kid**:

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

I've met some women (from the Midwest and Northeast, respectively) that don't know how to apply lipstick or have never dyed there hair, and I feel like I need to get them into a rehab program or something before the rest of the natives find out!

What about you? Any quirks in your area? 

*And, hopefully like me, were also informed that there will always be someone more beautiful out there, so don't go crazy about it.
**Always a worrier, this one. I was 4 days late when I was born, and it was probably from overthinking the whole ordeal.

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