Go-To Websites

I know, I know, I feel like Urban Dictionary has been around since dial up, but it can be such a mood lifter for me.

I have a particular religious zealot that's about to drive me nuts on facebook, eg:
"Curse words literally hurt my ears. I'm so thankful my mom raised me better than that!"
"I know what I'm eating today #chickfila #familyvalues"
"Do you drink? Why or why not?"

I won't even get started on all the souls she's praying for.

Anyway, after I sent my mom a thank you note for not making me a fundamentalist Southern Baptist and raising me to be a level-headed human being [I really did send her a thank you note], I went to urban dictionary to clear my head. It's here that I saw this and wanted desperately to post it on said zealot's page. But my momma taught me better than that. ;)

 

What websites cheer you up? My aaaabsolute favorites are Happy Place and Jezebel (although that one sometimes riles me up!) as well.  Also, do you ever feel bad for not being... I don't know.... like society expects you to be? I'm a female from the Bible belt, but I like some raunchy humor and booze, dammit!

Impulsive

Like every other sane human being in the northern hemisphere, I too hate January and February. It's dreary (we don't get snow, so it's just....dead), there's no holiday to look forward to, and we just had that New Year's mental breakdown of "my life has no meaning." Okay, maybe that last one is just me, but you understand; we realize that we're about to get another year older and that time is racing past us.

image of ABS from Ideeli

 

Soooo, to cheer myself up, I saw this little number on Ideeli yesterday and before I even knew what was happening, I had bought it (the internet sometimes has that effect on me). I'm certain I'll look just like that when I put it on. :| I figure I need the motivation/something to look forward to, and I know I'll get good use out of a bandeau top. I had to restrict myself after '08 and I'm only allowed one swimsuit a year. It's a hard life, I tell you. I do typically end up buying *the one* in January or February though.

Where are your favorite places to buy swimsuits? I finally swore off Target and Victoria's Secret. Target, because they're sometimes ill-fitting and I get tired of seeing every 22 year-old in the same bathing suit. Victoria's Secret has the same issue, and on top of that, one time the $40 swim top I was wearing straight up came unseamed in the front while I was sunbathing on my raft. I like to think I just put too much pressure on the poor top. *coughIwishcough* We'll see how this one turns out....it asked for actual sizes (like 2, 4, 6, 8) rather than bra or generic SML sizing. I mean... it was rather impulsive. Also, can I just rant a bit about women's sizing? The description said it was "true to size." Uuuuhm... I have clothes in about 4 different numerical sizes that all fit. That really doesn't help me, bro. Are we talking true to Gap size or Theory size or what? And dress size is sometimes different than pant size, so where does bathing suit sizing fall into all this?!?! Can we get a liiiittle consistency? And, why do women get all caught up in the number? Whether I'm a 4 or an 8, I know I didn't just lose or gain 30 lbs overnight. Who. cares. I have friends who INSIST they're always an XS, and honestly, if they'd just put on a Small (the horror!), they'd look more put together. Wear your size, folks, wear your size.

Ah, it feels good to get that off my chest. Wait, the rant, I'm not talking about the swim top again. Calm down.

Am I the only one dreaming of a tropical vacation? I really hope I can squeeze in a beach vacation this year, but....I kind of outdid myself on travelling the past two years. If I do plan something though, I plan on saving this swimsuit for then.

And now, here's some token pictures from Barbados to keep our beachin (baha! :\) inspiration:

One of many awesome beaches

Our cheap hotel, which had a great view, but apparently the "noise" that some complained about in reviews was actually an open air nightclub directly across the small road. Elaborate, reviewers, c'mon!

I petted (is that a word?) some sea turtles! Best scuba diving trip yet!

Happy MLK Day!

Mel and I fist bumpin for freedom.

I woke up late this morning. Late, as in I should have left the house 5 minutes before I actually woke up kind of late. Normally, I wouldn't mind - it happens - but last week I did the SAME THING. However, the morning last week was what I call an Alanis Morissette morning: a traffic jam when I'm already late. I did not want that to happen again. I was so relieved that I only ended up being 10 minutes late because I practically flew into work! I thought, "Wow! Everyone who's late this morning must be in a hurry too, and that's why we're all going 80!" Theeeen, I remembered: I'm the only chump who had to work today.

I haven't had MLK Day off at my last two jobs (so, going on a decade), which of course leads me to believe that the companies I work for are racists and don't believe in civil rights. (Totally kidding, but I like to tease them.)  Growing up, I always liked learning about Martin Luther King, Jr. I went to schools that were exactly 49% white, 49% black, so it hit home that I wouldn't know half of my classmates had I been my parents age (it took Texas a taaaad longer to integrate than other places). Don't get me wrong, there were definitely some tense moments too, especially in the high school years; I definitely remember some "cracker" name calling and "Kill Whitey" chanting, that we crackers would pay no mind to.

Often times I've wished that I grew up in a quaint New England town where education was valued rather than having to teach myself most of what I know (like when I signed up for my first college classes and they asked how many hours I wanted to take. "Uhm...40?" Oy.), but I do value the life and social skills that school in rural east Texas taught me. I think Dr. King would be pretty proud of what we've accomplished as a nation, even if it has taken way too long to get there and there is still improvement to be made.

Side notes:

• Am I the only one that sings "Pride" by U2 in my head when they see a picture of MLK?
• In perhaps my favorite book of all time, it's mentioned that it was a Spanish priest that had the bright idea of bringing slaves over to the Americas when the poor Native Americans started dying off. I like to remind my Catholic friends of this. ;)

Are we sure Lance Armstrong isn't behind this?

I feel like when Oprah woke up Thursday morning and heard about this, she immediately yelled "NOT ON LANCE ARMSTRONG WEEK" and slapped Stedman around for a bit.

I know quite a few ladies that have met Lance Armstrong (during the wild McConaughey days), so I've thought of him as douche for several years and never put anything past him (let's not forget this, which I consider worse than doping). I was surprised when they stripped him of his medals though. In a weird, probably telling-of-my-ethics way, I have to give it to him - he covered up his mess gooooood. And for a loooong time. That in itself is pretty impressive.

Side note: It reminds me of when I was attempting to befriend a Russian girl (we'll talk about my Russian fear later) who was about my same age. We were having dinner, and while I was really trying to figure out a polite way to ask if she was mail-order (I'm being completely serious), I made other small talk and asked her what the biggest difference between the US and Russia has been for her. She said that she was suprised by how long her shoes lasted here and liked that her soles didn't wear out so quickly. Secondly, the she "is surprised by how many Americans really believe you landed on the moon first." Heh. Heh heh. Cute. Here's the thing, I'm not saying our government *wouldn't* lie to us.... I'm just saying *if* they did, they did a good job and it's been over 40 years, so nee-ner, nee-ner.

And now we have Manti Te'o. Was it a publicity stunt he was aware of? Was it a hoax he wasn't aware of? Was it a ruse to cover up homosexuality? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS! I think my biggest question, however, is: Really, Associated Press? You don't even caaaaall Stanford? Ask any local reporters about the funeral? Really? It all makes me think of this media flub, which I blamed on the instant reporting and social media at the time, but now it really makes me wonder...

Ugh, that last link got me all thinking about Sandy Hook again. Let's all look at this to make ourselves feel better.

Crud, now I feel bad for making fun of the poor guy on the small chance he wasn't in on it and/or homosexual. Here, let's laugh at me for my dog ignoring me and thinking I'm lame JUST BECAAAAUUUUSE I was really into my show about 16th century England. There's a plague going on, Dog!

 

I Weep for the Future.

So. Here's a little backstory: I've worked two jobs pretty much my entire adult life (give and take a few spurts of quoting Chapelle's "I'm rich, biatch" whenever I got a new job, and then a few months later quoting Biggie's "Mo money, mo problems"). But, I don't have credit card (or any) debt, so....I try to tell myself it's worth it. *weeps uncontrollably*

Anyway, I just got a part time at a retail store that is pretty well known as a great place to work. We're going through our training, and we discussed phones the other night. Now, listen. I've worked in all areas - retail, restaurant, beauty shop reception, corporate world reception - and I think the max that really needs to be spent discussing the phone is 5 mintutes for a high volume place, 2 minutes anywhere else.  There were two girls in training with me, one of which works in marketing at a large well-known company, who dragged it out for like 15 minutes with no less than 20 questions that included, but were not limited to:

• "Oh, so they can ring on any of those that say 'Lines'?"
• "Wait, so you pressed the line before you picked it up? Or after?"

and the one that almost made me go postal:

• "Wait, so you can put it on hold and hang up the receiver without it hanging up on the call?!"

Yall. Really!? I just busted out laughing and upon the sweet, completely blank stares uttered, "...I'm sorry.....I just....I must be a dinosaur."

More blank, sad stares. I could see them thinking, "Why are you laughing? Do you think we're dumb? I thought this was a nice, team-friendly place?"

"Maybe...yall are used to cell phones...and I remember this from back in the day..."

One girl finally chimed in with, "No, I've worked with phones, and they're all different! I had one that hung up when it was on hold."

Me: "Mmmhmmm." I was reaaaally trying to hold it in. "Sure. I mean, I haven't ever heard of that, but I'm sure anything's possible."

I MEAN.

I'M PRETTY SURE YOU DIDN'T PRESS THE HOLD BUTTON FIRST.

REALLY!?

Those were the thoughts going on in my head. These are sweet, seemingly "smart, successful" girls. They're around 25 with a degree and "good" day job. It was then I realized that I've been answering phones in a business for NINETEEN YEARS (my parents owned businesses and I started manning the phones in middle school.). And this is where my life is.... working a part time job with girls who didn't know phone lines before Monday. Not that we don't ALL ask stupid questions, but....don't most of us usually know when we're about to have to suck it up and ask something stupid?  

Sorry if that seemed more harsh than funny - it really did just amuse the crap out of me - but I'm having one of those, "I need to reevaluate my life" kind of days, and seeing people younger than me, making similar to me with snazzier titles than me showing their idiot side just.....reaaaally drives me to drink somedays, folks.

A visual of how Columbus Day makes me feel.

via Twicsy.com, as a result of a google image search

 

 

If you're ever feeling sad for no good reason, I highly suggest looking up pictures of Kim Kardashian crying. I mean....look at that. I'm instantly cheered up! 

Columbus Day agrivates me eeeevery year.

Seriously, why, in 2012 when we know better, does this man still have a holiday? He did not discover America, nor was he a good person. I don't get it.
 
(Side note: I was recently introduced as, "Someone who can talk American history and celebrity gossip with equal enthusiasm." It's pretty much the best compliment I've ever received.)
 
Anyway, one of my favorite books is Howard Zinn’s A People's History of the United States. I don't understand why it's not mandatory reading in schools, but below are some excerpts from the very beginning of the book that get me all weepy every times.

Of the Arawak people on Hispanola, of whom estimates say there were nearly 2 million upon his arrival, Columbus wrote in his log, “They do not bear arms, and do not know them, for I showed them a sword, they took it by the edge and cut themselves out of ignorance . . . They would make fine servants . . . With fifty men we could subjugate them all and make them do whatever we want” (Zinn p. 1).

The Indians “are so naive and so free with their possessions that no one who has not witnessed them would believe it. When you ask for something they have, they never say no. To the contrary, they offer to share with anyone” (Zinn p. 3). In exchange for ships and supplies for a second voyage, he offered the nobility of Spain “as much gold as they need . . . and as many slaves as they ask” (Zinn p. 4).

Columbus forced all Arawaks “fourteen years or older to collect a certain amount of gold every three months. When they brought it, they were given copper tokens to hang around their necks. Indians found without a copper token had their hands cut off and bled to death” (Zinn p. 4).

“In two years, through genocide, murder, mutilation, or suicide, half of the 250,000 Indians on Haiti were dead . . . By the year 1515, there were perhaps fifty thousand Indians left. By 1550, there were five hundred. A report of the year 1650 shows none of the original Arawaks or their descendants left on the island” (Zinn p. 5).

 

And he has a federal holiday.